Tamerlan Tserenov

Writing for the Sciences

Professor Zayas

Introductory Letter

Feb. 5, 2025

Ne Parle Pas, Combien Tu As Vécu, Dis Pour Quoi

Lately I have often started asking myself how interesting my life is. What makes it unique? Is it my passion for writing poetry, my academic success, or the scrapes I have ever gotten myself into that make me special? Coming across a short phrase in French, “ne parle pas, combien tu as vécu, dis pour quoi,” which translates as, “don’t say how long you lived, tell me how,” I fell into deep thought about what my days spent in this life are worth.

I am 20 years old. My grandfather gave me my name, either in honor of his army colleague from Germany, or in honor of the Turkic-Mongol conqueror Tamerlane. I come from the hot Republic of Kalmykia, which is located in the south of Russia. There, in the spring, the endless steppes are covered with colorful tulips, horse races are held, and holidays are celebrated. My ethnicity is Kalmyk. From early childhood, my grandfather instilled in me a love for our culture, traditions and language. I love and respect with all my heart everything he taught me. To this day, his wise words have remained in my head – “When a language dies, so dies a nation.” After the great tragedy of the Kalmyk people – Operation “Ulusy” organized by Joseph Stalin, which was the deportation of Kalmyks to Siberia for hard labor, where a large part of my people died, the processes of Russification and globalization began, which gradually began to distance Kalmyks from our culture and language. This deeply grieves, but the hope for the revival of our language does not fade. At least, this is what my dear grandfather believes in.

As a child, I was a shy, constrained, but nevertheless happy child. Some of the time, my shyness and inability to stand up for myself did not play into my hands. The children in the yard did not see me as a friend. However, I made friends at school. When I got a little older, I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in medicine, to be more precise, to become a surgeon. Around the same time, I wrote my first poem. Thinking about my school years, I really have nothing to complain about. In fact, I have a lot to tell. I started my own watch business with my two best friends, had my first relationship with a girl, and was into music. Once, I even performed at a small concert in one of the establishments. My grades at school were average, maybe I did not pay enough attention to them. After school, I would pick up my younger brother from kindergarten, take him to a speech therapist, take him to our grandmother and then go to a tutoring session in chemistry and biology. After that, I would go to our grandmother again, pick up my younger brother, feed him, bathe him and put him to bed. To be honest, I always wanted a younger brother. I am glad that fate decreed it this way. I watched a lot of movies, anime, and K-dramas. I read my horoscope every day. My favorite books were “The Catcher in the Rye” by Jerome Salinger and “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. I played football and loved running. I think I tried to do everything in order to do everything.

In my life, I met many interesting people, from erudite, real standards and connoisseurs of life to small-time bandits romanticizing villainous deeds and throwing around various threats. One way or another, these people made me who I am today. I looked at some with admiration and looked up to them, while others showed me with their behavioral model what I should not be. Social experience gradually made itself felt and I began to become a more open person. I learned to understand people, their behavior and true desires. The topic of relationships between people has always been close to me and I strove to learn more. Ultimately, this led me to want to know myself.

I remember my mother’s tears soaking into my hoodie. She would hug me tightly and tell me that we would meet again soon. My younger brother, who was six years old at the time, did not understand why our mother was crying and stood there confused. At the end of September 2022, I left Russia with my father and his wife. My head was filled with so many thoughts. We did not know what awaited us, but we had to leave. Along the way, I tried to learn at least a little English, since I could not even ask for directions, and even if I could, I would not understand anything. Spanish was easier for me. A week after we settled in New York, I went to a high school in Manhattan, specialized in the ESL program. For the first month and a half, I had to understand nothing, but still listen to the teachers in class. I had a very interesting feeling. Each of us, students at this school, was from completely different parts of the world. Some understood English worse, some could already speak and write correctly. However, we were all connected by something in common. We all felt like part of a whole.

I developed my English skills rapidly, maybe even exponentially. I am grateful to the teachers at school for their hard work and willingness to help, which ultimately paid off for me. Six months later, I started working with the organization at my school and got a job as a math tutor, and two months later, as an English tutor. This helped me continue to develop my English and sometimes even Spanish when I taught Spanish-speaking groups. I ran for and eventually won the election for the position of school president and contributed to the development of student life. At the same time, on weekends, I participated in an internship at one of the nursing homes, and also attended various programs and events. For me, it was all like a dream, I could not believe in the reality of what was happening. I was grateful. After graduating from high school, I entered the City College of New York, majoring in biochemistry.

I want to continue to make my life interesting and worthwhile. I want to enjoy every moment of it. I want to know how I would answer the words: “Ne parle pas, combien tu as vécu, dis pour quoi.”